METS NICKS

Aaron Heilman, hopefully former Met, National Embarassment

2008-10-06T19:48:00.000-07:00

Aaron Heilman
Born: November 12, 1978 ( 1978-11-12) (age 29). Bats: Right, Throws: Wrong
former high draft pick, almost singlehandedly ruined 2006 playoffs, 2008 season, etc.
Dislikes: parking spots that are far away
Likes: giving up walks and homers in key situations, ripping the still beating heart out of Mets fans

"Even when I pump my fist, I suck."

APPROVED NICKS:
"Poopeyface" Parkingplace
BlownSave
Errant Hellman
Jerry's Kid
%#*!&@?

Moises Alou, whereabouts unknown

2008-10-05T19:55:00.000-07:00

Moises Alou
(usually pronounced /ˈmɔɪ̪zɨs əˈluː/ in English, and /moiˈses alˈou/ in Spanish, "Wasted Cash" in Metsfan)
July 3, 1866 in Atlanta, Georgia
Accomplishments: can't remember what he did, (neither can he) but Omar Minaya is counting on him to do it again

Read this and try not to cry:
Announcing another $8 million or so down the drain:
November 21, 2006
The 40-year-old slugger finalized an $8.5 million, one-year contract on Monday with the NL East champions, who also declined their $14 million option on left-hander Tom Glavine and swapped young pitchers with the Florida Marlins in a four-player trade.

Alou's deal includes a $7.5 million club option for 2008 with $1 million buyout. The six-time All-Star, who gets a $7.5 million salary next season, said he turned down two-year offers from other teams to join the Mets.

"The length of my contract doesn't really matter at this point in my career," Alou said. "I wanted to come here because this year -- I wanted to win this year."

"I hope this new shawl will protect me from drafts."

APPROVED NICKS:

Grandpa Moises
Moises "You say goodbye, I say" Alou
Moises Alouser (courtesy of Cub fans)

Jose Reyes, Current Met Phenom

2007-07-07T11:21:00.000-07:00

Reyes is the Mets' most exciting player, but he sometimes makes bad choices

Senor Stands Alot (get it? He doesn't run out hits, he just stands there!)
Professor Jose

Carlos Gomez, rushed to big-leagues future star OF, now current Minnesota Twin

2007-07-06T11:54:00.000-07:00

the Bat Sniffer
Jay-Z
Mini-Endy
Johan-bait

Tom Glavine, former Met, 2007 Opening Day Pitcher

2007-04-01T11:28:00.000-07:00

Thomas Michael Glavine
Bats Left, Throws Left Height 6' 1", Weight 190 lb
Born March 25, 1966 in Concord, MA
Former Brave behind enemy lines
Likes: Ice hockey, $42.5 million contracts
Dislikes: Taxicabs, Questec, Roger Cedeno's defense

APPROVED NICKS:

Tom(ahawk) Chop
Toothless Tom
Agent Glavine
Batting Practice Guy
Glavoline Havoline Oil
Mr. "Not Devastated"

petition commissioner for your own favorites in the comments section

Oliver Perez, soon to be former Met

2007-03-31T12:54:00.000-07:00

Oliver (Martinez) Perez
Born August 15, 1981 in Culiacan, Sinaloa, Mexico
Bats Left, Throws Left Height 6' 3", Weight 160 lb.
2006-
Role: Organization savior? Organizational folly?

"Mmmmm....Tastes like Cy Young"

Approved Nicks:
Oh-Pea
Doh' Pee
Opie
OPP
Oliver "Down with OPP" Perez
Senor Sabor

Chan Ho Park, former Mets minor leaguer, could be on Dodgers right now, but no one really knows

2007-03-29T18:31:00.000-07:00

Chan Ho Park
Born June 30, 1973 in Kongju, South Korea
Bats Right, Throws Right Height 6' 2", Weight 185 lb.
Not really a Met, but feet are registered weapons

APPROVED NICKS:

Chan Ho Parkinglot
Chan "Oh-No" Park
Chan "Walks the" Park
"Jackie" Chan Ho Park (after getting himself out of tight situation)
Chan Ho "No-No" (after pitching Mets first no-hitter)
Chan "Bo" Park (after taking up football and ruining hips)
Chan "Pimps up, Ho's down" Park
Chan Ho "South" Park
Chan Ho "Paaak" (Boston pronunciation)
Chan "Hoser, eh" Park (Canadian pronunciation)
Chan "Show Down for the 'Ho' Down" Park
Chan "I Wanna be a " Ho Park

Julio Franco, former Met, deceased?

2007-03-21T12:10:00.000-07:00

Julio Franco, as the oldest living human being, oldest living athelete, and oldest living New York Met, seems a good place to start.

Bats Right, Throws Right Height 6' 0", Weight 165 lb.
Born: August 23, 1858

APPROVED NICKNAMES:

"Francostein"
"Undead"
"Father time"
Dirt
Moses
Waste-of-roster-space
Old Man River

Feel free to use the comments section to petition for additional names.

Gerald Williams former Met

2007-03-20T12:15:00.000-07:00

Bats Right, Throws Right Height 6' 2", Weight 190 lb.
Born: August 10, 1966
Known For: Sucking, Taking up bench space

APPROVED NICKNAMES

"Ice"

The Office of the (Deposed) MLB Commisioner invites fans to petition for their favorite nicknames in the comments section.

Grant Roberts, former Met

2007-03-19T12:17:00.000-07:00

Bats Right, Throws Right Height 6' 3", Weight 205 lb.
Born September 13, 1977
Met from 2000-2004

APPROVED NICKNAME:

"The Baker"

Jose Valentin, former Met

2007-03-17T12:21:00.000-07:00

Bats Both, Throws Right Height 5' 10", Weight 175 lb.
Born October 12, 1969
Met from 2006-present
The man, the myth...

APPROVED NICKNAMES:

"Stash" (Stache acceptable)
"Zoro"

Fans may petition for alternate nicknames in the comments section.

Welcome to the ODCBBSM

2006-03-23T12:02:00.000-08:00

Message from the Office of the (Deposed) Commisioner of Baseball Bureau of Standards and Measurements (ODCBBSM) Commisioner, Pete Rose

Under the auspices of the The Office of the (Deposed) Commisioner of Baseball Bureau of Standards and Measurements (ODCBBSM), I hereby release this list of approved nicknames for the New York Metropolitan baseball club. In the interests of promoting the smooth reading between the lines of all 2007 baseball related stories, the list is hereby promulgated, and this website shall act as a repository for such names as they develop in the future.

So fans, please check this space for updates and additions as the season progresses.I'm betting you'll really enjoy it!

(Deposed) Commisioner of Baseball, Pete Rose